Ask the Hammer

Thinking Outside The Box

Dear Readers:
Solutions. Some seem elusive, others are self-evident. I am of the belief that if we can put men on the moon, surely we can engineer a divorce or separation properly, or can we?

There are so many factors involved in the demise of a marriage or union, not least of which is the emotional factor.

Emotions can be wonderful, but in a family law situation they can be dehabilitating, for others vengeful. Neither will accomplish much for your future happiness and marshalling this factor will allow you to deal with all the other aspects which make up the divorce process. In fact, it is imperative that you do.

I was just on CJAD last week and one of the many topics quickly addressed [in the actual air time one has in a 1/2 hour slot] was “tips” and “survival guides” on navigating the divorce process. I was referred to a post, dated May 28, 2013, by Jackie Pilossoph (really?) in The Huntington Post. Her first “tip” was to avoid litigation if you want a “quick solution…to be done with your divorce”. [And avoid high lawyer fees].

Well, where do I start? Aside from a slant that is quite skewed against litigation and the legal profession, advocating [no pun intended] a quick solution is about the worst advice anyone can give you. Why? Read on.

The proverbial “they” say divorce, loss of employment and death are tops amongst situations that can devastate a person – so why on earth would you want to make decisions that will effect and affect you for the rest of your life while in such a vulnerable condition? The short answer is – you wouldn’t.

You need to cope with the way you react to the decision, or news, to divorce. You may need therapy to get you through it – get some! You may need medication to get up over the hump – see your health specialist! You may need to scream – go to the airport and yell at some planes! You may need to get spiritual guidance – got to the church, synagogue, mosque or temple and sit in the quiet and reflect in the surroundings.

Whatever helps you; that is not violent against your family or yourself or illegal, do it. Only then will you be able to handle the various steps needed to continue down the divorce auto route.

The second article I was referred to was from Regina’s Leader Post, an excerpt from Dr. Barbara Dydyk’s divorce advice book entitled, “Happily Never After?” which is a guide for women in the throes of separation or divorce. Immediately my back is up because, at the present time, the majority of divorcing women are married to men. So why limit a guide to only 1/2 of an equation? But at least Dr. Dydyk’s advice concerning the top [in her view] 5 mistakes women make, list as #1: “Don’t hurry the process”.

This is why I am weary and leery of tip/guide books. Here are 2 articles giving diametrically opposite views on a primary issue. Who to believe? Well me of course!

Before bidding you all “adieu” until the Fall, I would like to take this opportunity to implore you to take extra care this summer if you have a backyard pool. Last summer, at least 7 children drowned in pools – drownings which all could have been easily avoided if the children had not been left alone or unsupervised. So if you know people in your neighbourhood, or have family or friends with pools, just give them a friendly reminder to be extra careful. Maybe it will save a life. It only takes seconds for disaster to occur, and no phone call, cleaning, TV program, cooking or any other activity, is worth a child’s life.

I wish you all a safe and happy summer. Linda Hammerschmid.

This discussion is not intended as complete legal advice to any particular case as it is a general discussion only and cannot be relied upon prior to obtaining the services of a qualified professional.